The Cullen's Discover Fanfiction?
by Koinaka
Summary: What if the Cullen's discovered all the lovely pieces of fanfiction that we slave over? How would they react?
1. Chapter 1

I was playing my piano, attempting to compose a new piece for Bella, when Jasper's thoughts practically exploded from his study.

_ My eyes! My eyes! _Then, I saw images of the two of us in the throes…

"Jasper," I growled, heading up the stairs. "Have you lost what little sanity you had left? Has Alice finally broken you?"

"It's not me, I swear. Just look at this," he said, pointing frantically to the website he had loaded on his laptop computer.

My eyes quickly scanned the filth on the computer screen. I clenched my jaw.

"Who would _do_ this?" I asked him darkly.

Jasper gulped. "It gets worse. Whoever is writing this has you paired with others…"

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose with two of my fingers. "How could anything be worse than this?" I sighed.

"Some people have you with… Carlisle or even Rosalie, but the worst… are the people that have you with… Jacob."

I shuddered. "Why?" I asked him, my voice barely above a whisper.

Jasper shrugged. "I don't know."

I stared at the vile words written on Jasper's computer, trying to understand why anyone would _write_ that. I felt nauseous though I knew I could not be sick.

"They call it fanfiction. You're very popular. Nearly everyone has you paired with someone, mostly Bella, but as you saw... there are others." Jasper asked, sensing my confusion.

My already pale face blanched. "Are you telling me that people are writing this sort of thing about Bella?"

Jasper giggled. "Oh yeah, you should see them. They pair her with everyone. You, me, Emmett, Alice, Rose, Carlisle, even Jacob. It's hilarious. You should really check them out sometime. They might give you some helpful hints for the wedding, you know?"

I growled and my hand instinctively went out and crushed Jasper's laptop with one quick motion.

"Or maybe not," he amended as I left his study.

I vowed then and there to keep Bella away from the internet at all costs.

A/N: I thought this would be a bit different from my normally angsty stories. If anyone has any recommendations for fics that the Cullen's should discover, leave me a review and let me know :D Or just leave me a review and tell me if you think I should continue. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Edward wears Prada?  
As we turned down the long road that would lead to Edward's house, I heard what could only be described as an earthquake. Or what I assume an earthquake would sound like. Edward clenched his jaw and tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

"Do I want to know?" I asked him, tentatively.

"It's those idiot brothers of mine," he spat out, his topaz eyes turning onyx with fury.

We got out of the car and headed up to the house. Before we reached the porch, Edward turned around, a wild, crazy expression on his face. He put his hands on my shoulder and looked into my eyes.

"Promise me that you will not listen to one word my family utters today."

My heart began to race. "What is it Edward?" I started to think of all of the things that could possibly be wrong. Maybe the Volturi were coming back early, maybe Jake and the pack decided to start a war, maybe the florist had made a mistake about the flower arrangements... I shuddered just thinking about Alice's wrath when the baker didn't send the full selection of cake samples.

"Breathe, Bella. Everything is fine," he managed to say between clenched teeth. "Just promise."

I blinked a time or two. "Fine, I promise." I muttered. Damn vampire dazzling skills.

Alice was waiting for us in the entry hall, her arms folded across her chest, her foot tapping so fast I could barely see it.

"Bella," she warned. "You were supposed to be here thirty seconds ago. We've lost precious wedding planning time. If there is still going to be a wedding, that is," she added with a sly smile.

Edward let out a hiss of words, and before I understood what was even happening I was in his room, sitting on the black couch.

The entire house was vibrating with laughter. In between the laughter, I heard muffled words.

"I always knew it!"

"No wonder he won't give it up."

"Does Edward really wear Prada?"

Edward's hands were clenched into fists at his side. Without any warning, the door to his bedroom opened and Emmett and Jasper fell in, laughing hysterically. Jasper was pushing a laptop into Edward's face.

Edward did not say a word to Jasper or Emmett. He grabbed the laptop and broke it in half and chased the boys out of the room.

Dazed, I went back downstairs to find Alice. She was laughing as well.

"Can somebody please fill the human in?" I asked, irritated to clearly be the only one not in the know.

"Apparently, some people on the internet believe Edward wears Prada," she said with emphasis on the last word.

I was still confused. "Alice, what is that supposed to mean?" I asked her.

Edward appeared in the doorway with a murderous look on his face.

"It means," he said, glaring at Alice. "that we are finished with the wedding plans for today."

Alice stomped her foot and glared right back at Edward. "No way, Edward Cullen. We have important things to do!" she screeched.

"Why don't we let Bella be the judge of that, shall we?" Edward said, turning to me. He smiled my favorite crooked smile and pressed his lips gently against mine. "Would you rather stay here with Alice or go to the meadow with me where we will be completely alone?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. Sooner than I would have liked, Edward pulled away.

"Meadow," I gasped breathlessly.

Edward flashed a smug smile to Alice, and we headed to the front door.

"Wait!" I said. "Is it true? Do you wear Prada?"

Alice opened her mouth to answer for Edward, but Edward was faster. He threw me over his shoulder and bolted out the door.

What was I marrying into?   



	3. Chapter 3

Emmett discovers... the truth? 

I sighed and continued to file my nails while I waited for Emmett to finish whatever it was he had been doing all after with Jasper. The two of them were inseperable nowadays and acting more idiotic than ever. Just yesterday they chased Edward around the house all afternoon asking if he would model his newest Prada fashions for them. I laughed. Like Edward would know the difference between Prada and anything else. He wouldn't even be able to dress himself if it weren't for Alice.

I was staring at my nails and contemplating which car to tune up next when I noticed the unnatural silence coming from upstairs. The guilt was palpable, but there was absolutely no sound coming from Jasper's study. This was not good. Emmett was never quiet. Unless... No, he would not do that. Not again. Last time I caught him looking at those sites, he spent a two entire weeks with only those sites to keep him company. I flipped through the magazine next to me, not bothering to pay attention to what I was looking at.

Another five minutes went by without a single peep from Emmett or Jasper. I let out an exasperated growl and flung the magazine on the coffee table. I walked upstairs and barged into Jasper's office. I just knew I was going to catch Emmett and when I did...

Jasper and Emmett were crouched behind the computer screens with the most ridiculous looks on their faces.

"Emmett Cullen, if I find what I think I will find on that computer screen, you will not touch my body for so long, you will think you imagined me," I warned.

They jumped up like two little boys caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"Rosalie, what are you doing in here?" Emmett asked, looking very nervous.

Jasper tried to keep the room calm, but I was too angry to be calmed down. I glared at him through narrowed eyes. "Stop playing with my emotions, Jasper, or you'll be the next to feel my wrath."

Jasper edged slowly to the door. "I think I hear Alice calling. Yes, I do. Good luck, Emmett," he muttered and flew out the door.

"Coward," Emmett said.

I smiled sweetly at Emmett as I walked over to the computer. Emmett's eyes got bigger with every step I took.

"Come on, let's go downstairs," I purred in his ear as I put my hand on his thigh.

He gulped. "I thought you were mad."

"Do I have a reason to be mad?" I asked as I pressed my lips to his neck.

He shook his head and pulled me into his lap. With only the slightest move, I was facing the computer screen, but there were no naked women like I expected to find. It was just a website. Wait a minute... was that my name? My eyes quickly scanned the page. I shuddered at the vulgarity, the absurdity, of the filth that I found on that page. I was speechless... which given the circumstances, was not very safe for Emmett. I stood up and plastered a smile on my face. I turned to walk out the door.

"Rose! Wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to read it, we were just looking for something new to read and found it. Honest."

"Of course not, Emmett. I'm just sorry you had to find out this way."

I looked back at his face. His mouth had dropped open, his eyes were wide.

"Did you... did he...?" he started.

"I think I'm just going to go wait downstairs. Edward should be home any moment." I said and smiled at my husband who grew paler by the moment. The look on his face was just priceless.

"R-R-Rose," he stammered. "Are you serious? I mean, I know the two of you had a history, but he always said he wasn't inerested in you in that way. That's why I thought... well, you know what I thought."

His golden eyes pleaded with me. I sighed and walked back over to him. "You know you're the only one for me, you idiot. Now, stop reading this filth on the internet and let's go have some fun of our own."

We left Jasper's study and headed to our bedroom. I heard the Volvo pull up and a second later, Edward walked in the house.

_Edward_, I told him mentally_. Perhaps you should go to Jasper's study. The boys found something that might interest you._

I pullled Emmett close to me as I heard Edward's feet on the stairs. A moment later, I heard several things - a blood-curdling screen from Jasper and the all too familiar sound of destruction that resulted from Edward's temper.

"Emmett!" Edward roared. "Keep me out of your filthy head, do you understand?"

Emmett was visibly scared. "Lock the door, Rose, lock the door!"

I wrapped my arms around my husband. "Don't be such a baby," I teased him. "I can handle Edward, trust me."

"You can't hide behind your wife forever, Emmett." Edward warned him as he came downstairs.

Emmett was practically shaking. I kissed his neck. "It's going to be all right. I'll take care of Edward." I said in an attempt to soothe him.

He stopped shaking and kissed me back, pulling me into our bed. I sighed into his arms, thankful that I'd found Emmett. Edward was much too moody and melodramatic for me. Sometimes I thought he was more woman than I was.

I could hear Edward growling from his room.

_ Shut up, you know it's true. Shouldn't you be going to pick up your human now, or something? Unless you are waiting out in hopes to experience what you read about upstairs._

Two crashes and a slam of a door later, Edward's Volvo pulled out of the driveway.

Author's Note:

Here are the links for the story's that inspired both Edward wears Prada? and Emmett discovers... the truth:

The second one is at y.php?sid2418  
The third one is at http://community. dmonster/1432.html#cutid1


	4. Chapter 4

I never wanted to wake up. This dream was too good. I was lying in bed with my bronze-haired angel; I could feel his ocher eyes staring at me, smell his breath on my face. Except my angel wasn't here. He was on a hunting trip with Alice, Rosalie, and Esme. I opened my eyes up to find two pairs of eyes less than a foot in front of me.  
"Ahh!" I screamed.  
"Are you awake, Bella?" Emmett asked impatiently.  
"I am now," I growled.  
"You were talking in your sleep," Jasper said, laughing.  
"What time is it?" I asked, pulling the blanket over my head.  
"A little after four in the morning. Come on, we're bored, Bella," Emmett whined.  
"Ugh, Emmett! It's too early to get up."  
"What are we supposed to do now? We're bored," Emmett said again.  
"Whatever you want to do, Emmett. As long as it doesn't take place within the four walls of this bedroom, I don't care."  
Emmett and Jasper shared a look.  
"Anything?" they asked in unison.  
If I had been fully awake, I would have known something was off, but as it was, I was half-asleep and eager to get back to my dream.  
"Yes, Emmett. Whatever you want. I don't care."  
"But Rose and Edward..." he started.  
"Aren't here to stop you, now just go," I mumbled and promptly fell asleep.

"So, you don't mind if we play around on the internet?" Jasper confirmed.

"I swear to everything holy, if the two of you do not get out of this room, I will rip you apart myself and gladly throw the matches down," I growled again.

"Someone's not a morning person…" Emmett said, but luckily – for him – he left the room.

Less than five minutes later, something vibrated off of the nightstand and onto my head. My arms flailed about, attempting to grab the offending object, a tiny silver cell phone. After a bit of maneuvering, I managed to get it open.

"When I said go away, I meant no calling either. It's 4am! Humans need their sleep, you know?" I said.

The person on the other end of the line chuckled. "I was aware that humans needed their sleep. Alice had a rather disturbing vision, so I just thought I would call and check on you. Would you still like me to go away?"

My eyes popped open when I heard Edward's voice. "Edward!" I squealed. "I miss you."

"And I, you. May I ask why you growled at me, though? Not that I mind – it was rather adorable – but I just wondered."

I sighed. "Not at you, I thought you were Emmett. Dumb and Dumber are bored, and they're driving me crazy."

Now he growled and hissed something to Alice. "Bella, if I asked you to do something for me – would you do it?"

I paused for a minute. "Maybe."

"Bella, please," he breathed.

I narrowed my eyes at the tiny cell phone in my hands. "You're good, Edward, but I doubt even you could dazzle me through the phone."

He chuckled again. "What if I told you I was on my way home? Would you actually do what I asked?"

"Are you coming home?" I asked.

"Will you do what I asked?" he countered.

"Fine!" I said exasperated.

"I am on my way, then. All I ask if for you to stay exactly where you are. In the bed. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"Okay," I grumbled, but was jumping for joy in my head. Edward was coming home, and all I had to do was stay in bed and wait for him? Nothing bad about that at all!

I should have known it wouldn't be that easy. Nothing – for _me_ – was ever that easy. I hung up the phone, and there was a knock at the door.

"Bella, we know you're awake," Jasper started.

"No, I'm not," I argued fruitlessly. They opened the door and walked in. I sighed. They had no concept of boundaries. Emmett sauntered around the room with an idiotic grin on his face.

"So, Bella," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What?" I hissed.

"Would you like to watch a movie?" he said suggestively.

I eyed him warily. "I'm supposed to stay in bed."

"Says who?" Jasper asked. I was curious now, very curious. Stupid empathic vampire.

"E-Edward," I stammered.

Emmett scoffed. "Didn't you tell me a few minutes ago that Edward wasn't here?"

"Yes, but…" I trailed off.

"But what? Are you going to let Edward tell you what to do for the rest of eternity? If he changes you … that is." Jasper said.

I felt a surge of anger go through me. I was indignant. Who _was_ Edward to say what I could and could not do? He wasn't even here. If I wanted to watch a movie, I could watch a movie. I flung myself off the bed.

"Let's go," I muttered.

Jasper and Emmett exchanged a look, and we headed downstairs to the living room. Jasper and Emmett sat on opposite ends of the couch, leaving me to sit in the middle. Emmett picked up the remote to turn the TV on when the front door opened, and Rosalie charged into the living room. She snatched Emmett off the couch and pulled him upstairs growling something about 'a figment of your imagination', 'fanfiction' and 'utterly disgusting'.

A murderous Edward and a ferocious Alice were behind her. Jasper – sensing there would be trouble – flew up the stairs to the sanctuary of his room. Alice followed behind him, a stream of words too high-pitched for me to understand flowing out.

Edward's face softened when he looked at me, his eyes smoldering under his luscious eyelashes. "Bella," he said disapprovingly. "I thought you told me you would stay in bed."

"I did, but I decided against it." I said and glared at him defiantly, thinking of what Jasper said earlier.

He sighed. "Do you not want to be in my bed?" he asked closing the distance between us with one fluid motion.

"I d-d-didn't say that," I stammered as he sat next to me and pulled me in his lap. He nuzzled my neck with his face and all thoughts of anger were out the window.

"Didn't you?" he said against my neck.

My heartbeat thundered in my ears as his icy breath trailed up my neck.

"No," I gasped as he pressed his lips against mine. I parted my lips and flicked my tongue out grazing his lower lip. He stiffened and untangled himself from me.

"You'll be the death of me, I swear," he growled.

"Kiss me again," I demanded.

"No sense of self-preservation," he muttered as he carried me back to his bedroom.

Once he had me tucked into bed, I reached out to pull him closer. He complied, and I snuggled against his chest.

I sighed contently. "What movie did Emmett want me to watch with him anyways?"

Edward's body tensed. "Time to go to sleep, Isabella."

"No," I pouted. "I'm not tired."

I tried to stay awake, but he was humming my lullaby in my ear, and before I knew it my eyes closed involuntarily. As I fell asleep, I reminded myself to ask Emmett about the movie in the morning.

**A/N: **The inspiration for this one is none other than "Don't Stain the Couch"... Can anyone give me a recommendation of a good Bella/Mike fic?


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